A truly terrible Tuesday

Oh my lands was yesterday a bad day. I think I can safely say it was the worst Tuesday of my entire life. It started out as a normal morning, I was in a great mood. I went out to feed, milk bucket in hand, singing along with pandora (sorry neighbors!). I noticed the animals weren't where they normally are in the morning, but didn't think much of it. I fed Mister and tossed some hay out for the goats and Rosemary wasn't there. That's weird. I continued on and fed Elmo and let the chickens loose then went on the search for Ol' Roses. I found her in the back corner of an old sauna on our property that the goats have claimed as their own.

She was bloated and miserable. Not good! I made a few panicked phone calls, one to my wonderful Hubby for moral support and another to my knowledgeable Dad for WHAT DO I DO!?. I finally got Rosemary up on her feet and ran in to do some google. 
Very long story short I did everything I could find to do, but she continued to get worse. When she started having seizures around 6pm we went ahead and put her down. I am so thankful to have a husband who took care of that job so I didn't have too. I know full well he didn't want to do that, but he did it anyways, and for that I am so thankful. He then called a guy from our church who came over with his tractor to help us bury her. Again, so thankful. 
I don't know what happened to Rosemary, and it breaks my heart. We checked her at 10pm the night before and she was fine, then 20 hours later she was gone.
This part of the farm life is so hard. It makes me want to quit, sell it all and have nice things and clean floors. It is so tempting, but if I did, I would feel empty. Sure I would have a clean house and nicer things and way more time, but my heart, deep down inside loves this life. And to have this life, you have to have heart ache. You have to have the days where you cry from the deep parts of yourself, all day. Thankfully those days are few and far between, but they sure feel like they happen way more often than they should. You never get used to them, it never gets easy. And it's not supposed too, but it is worth it, as much as my heart says it's not right now, it is.

Happy days all!

Look for joy, even on the hard ones.